'Tis the Season...

It's that season when it is SO CLEAR that everyone else but me has themselves a holly, jolly, these are a few of my favorite things, rump-a-pum-pum, Merry Little Christmas now and I am the only one who feels a little sad and tired. There is SO MUCH PRESSURE on this one day to bring family together, for Christmas Miracles, to bury the hatchet, to fake it when the hatchets don't stay buried (and just miss your head) and to be joyful. And for many of us, Christmas is many things, including colorful and sparkly, awkward and painful, a little joyful, and an ache of loss, anti-climactic, a reminder of how distant and disconnected we are from some family, and comforting at times.

As a clinical psychologist, I have been helping people get through the holidays for over 30 years. I joke with my clients, saying "It's the MOST wonderful time of the year!" as I normalize their stress and slight dread. I've learned so much about how the ideal--the Budweiser commercial--can put in stark relief what Christmas is really like for many people. It can be be more painful during the holidays if you grew up in a chaotic or very tense household. For folks who are estranged from family members, it can cut like a knife. It can be a time where it is oh-so-evident that one's blended family is not so blended--and none of us know how to navigate this new territory. And don't get me started on what the holidays are life for those who have an addiction.

I'm putting in a word for those for whom Christmas is ouchy and amplifies loss. Give to charity, yes, but also listen for people whose response to your question, "How was your Christmas?" is a little too cheerful--or for those who wince and turn the question back to you. And listen...

If your Christmas is Merry, Bright AND White, count your blessings. And understand that it is not this way for many. If you celebrate, may your Christmas be one of connection, gratitude and of truly being with each other, knowing that every moment we feel seen and heard as we are by family or chosen family is a blessing. And for some, seeing it as "just another day" can help soothe them.